I'm annoying. I constantly nudge friends toward positive changes. I dissect the details of why you should write that thing, or take that hike, or whatever, and sometimes, friends get insecure about it when I break these things down. The things I annoyingly encourage are actions with a positive outcome. Do the thing instead of feeding the beast with whatever your addictions are. I've made a habit of this the past several years for selfish reasons. Because I want my friends to change with me.
At some point, I accepted the fact that no amount of encouragement from me was going to help anyone get better, and I distanced myself from some friends because I gave a lot more than I got back. These relationships were in the way. Needed to connect with intrinsically motivated people in order to get what I give. That's why I encourage, because I want it in return. More selfish motivation.
We all need community. Church used to be a place that accepted you no matter what, but now its a networking event. A place to see and be seen. AA is the only place where no matter what your past wrongs are, you're always welcome. Accepted. I think and care a lot about this, and have went out of my way to create community in a few different ways the past few years. If this is what I so desperately need, how can I step away from people I care about?
Today, one friend tells me that she is recording music, in part, because of me. Then another friend says he's painting and writing today. I feel all warm and fuzzy. Its nice when my nudges take. Now if I could just get them to leave the house more. I also make a habit of dragging recluses out into the world.
Its not as simple as being selfish or not. Of loving people or not. Its a balancing act. Always a balancing act. Give them a nudge and back off and maybe they'll return the favor someday, or maybe someone else will? Accepting someone doesn't mean I have to sacrifice myself to help them. Just a nudge.
You have a positive effect on my creative output.
Speaking truth! The places where we can gather and take our masks off and just be are quickly going away.