Several years ago I ate a massive amount of a certain type of fungus in the woods on a cold winter night. Near the end of the journey, the message I got was “You don't to be defined by your pain.” Needed to hear that at the time. We often wear these very heavy things from the past on our backs for years.
In a class recently, a couple of people very quickly and openly spoke of some very heavy experiences that they were dealing with. A son had died of an overdose. The other person had stage 4 Cancer and a prognosis of 2.5 more years. Were they defining themselves by these events? No. They were looking to process them.
Who ever coined the phrase “Dont bring me down” is an asshole. Pain brings us together, but there is a balance to find somewhere between being open about it with people you trust, and defining yourself by it. If I had ever had some semblance of community in my life, I wouldn't have worn the past around for so long.
Creating community has been the goal for 5 years. Ever since reading Tribe by Sebastian Junger, I have been looking for my own. Have a meeting with a festival organizer today to discuss bringing the festival community together once per month. If I can establish that, and get an in person writer's workshop together, maybe I will feel at home for the first time ever.