April and the first week of May in Kentucky is the most gorgeous place/time in the known universe. Magnolias, redbuds, jonquils, crocus, and hundreds of other things bloom as bees motor just overhead, sounding like thousands of tiny scooters. It is especially gorgeous after 4 months of overcast skies and cold rain. Rainy winters are brutal. They dont come with that romanticized notion of winter that snow brings. Where you sit in a window and watch the snow fly with a hot beverage, a book, and a loved one. The brightness that snowfall provides helps counter overcast skies. Months of little to no sun, mud, cold, and wet can be brutal.
At this time a year ago, I was driving down a rural highway. There was a box turtle crossing the road that I avoided, then quickly pulled into the gravel parking lot of a tiny hunting and fishing supply store. Crossed the highway and got into the ditch. Jogged toward the armored creature, but heard a car coming. The reptile was crossing in a blind curve, otherwise I would have blocked the road with my van and turned on my flashers. Waited patiently about 5 feet from it until a red CRV appeared. Watched the turtle as the car approached, waiting for it to straddle the creatures shell and head on down the road so that I could help it. Instead, the driver crushed the thing I intended to protect directly in front of me. Once a creature with a tough exterior, now a splatter and a few shell fragments. I threw my arms up and pressed my eyes/mouth together tightly in defeat.
Then the guilt came. Had the driver been looking at me instead of the road? Did they run it over for spite? Although I was well intentioned, the box turtle may have made it across fine if I had minded my business. Good intentions are worth shit. Execute, or stay home. The turtle was dead, and my failed kindness was futile at best. It caused the death at worst. I would be reminded of this for weeks after while passing the stain on the road.
We have to create our own meaning one way or another. I have found meaning in my work. The thought that sharing stories may enhance someone elses existence has shaped my life the past two years. Heres to hoping that its not futile, and that there arent more unforeseen consequences.